


Sherlock is a girl’s name

by sevenie



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Asexual Character, Homoromantic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25309951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenie/pseuds/sevenie
Summary: Homoromantic asexual! Sherlock
Relationships: Mary Morstan/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Kudos: 37





	Sherlock is a girl’s name

Sherlock is never a girl’s name in the history of naming.

And John Watson is not gay, according to John, who has repeatedly stressed the words a thousand times. He is not _really_ gay, to quote him. 

John loves women, all kinds of women, Sarah, Jenny, Jessica, Sophia, Abigail, Emma and Karen, before Mary came along. Dating women used to be part of his daily life. Sex with women is a part of John's life.

Sex is boring. That's Sherlock's view. He cannot understand why sex will be regarded as an integral part of life by a lot of people, such as John Watson.

Sex is boring, just like eating is boring and sleeping is boring; just like social rules are boring and labels are boring.

But John Watson is not boring. He rescued Sherlock from boredom. He is the reason why Sherlock’s restless brain can occasionally stop shouting and spinning.

Sometimes Sherlock fantasizes that he can make his friends happy, on a level that goes beyond friendship, as well. Then he would be struck by another wild imagination of his own brain. He was not interested in sex. He was not and is still not. Sex is as much a waste of time as eating and sleeping. But the thought of John's expression changing with his every move, and the thought of John's pleasure and pain being controlled by his hand, made him unbearably excited. Sex is boring, but John is not. The idea of affecting the expression of his best friend excites him more than a five-cigarette murder. God, what he is willing to do for John Watson.

But John likes women. And Sherlock is not a woman. John would never be interested in him in that way.

John flirts with women, dates women, has sex with women, and falls in love with women.  
John is married to a woman.

He is not jealous. He just gets curious sometimes. How does it feel to have sex? To be closer than he and John ever had? What exactly is the feeling of sex? Is it happier than an escape with fingers interlaced by streetlight in the dark night? Is it more tacit than protecting each other’s side without a word? Is it more profound than an instant decision in a life or death situation?

A married couple have sex 1.5 times a week on average, which varies according to the age of both parties. Sherlock couldn't understand.

The only thing that seems good to him about sex is the several seconds of total silence and blankness of his mind during the orgasm. But it has nothing to do with sexual attraction. That John worries about Irene is completely unnecessary.

He never takes his sexual need into consideration. It is not that he has no need, but that he is not at all interested. Unlike what John assumes, it is not a choice of abstinence, which was indeed an element of it in his early years, though. He's just not interested. He really never looks for such interest.

He is attracted to Irene Adler in the same way that he is attracted to a conundrum. People get excited about conundrums, but the idea of having sex with them is ridiculous.

John is not a conundrum, while John is always interesting.

Sherlock had no interest, but now he is curious.

The whispers in the ear, the touch of fingertips, the warmth of the lips, are they what John has been longing for all these years? A longing that he does not understand, that he does not feel, but that he is not incapable of giving.

But John likes women.

Sherlock tries his best to protect Mary and keep her by John's side. When John and Mary standing together, the face of Sherlock’s best friend shines with happiness - the ordinary but invaluable domestic happiness. The only irony thing is that Sherlock thought neither of them could stand the idea of being ordinary, but actually none of them is ordinary. None. Sherlock seeks danger, John is attracted to danger, and Mary avoids danger because that is her past.

* * *

The Russian man, whose profession is blackmail, chuckles. A High-functioning antisocial, ruthless, cold reasoning machine? People are stupid enough not to see the truth beneath a thin veneer so obvious that these words are nearly in all capital letters, screaming in everyone's face as they pass by. Sherlock Holmes’ weakness is legion, and John Watson is the number one. John Watson’s weakness is his wife. Holding Mary Watson's dark history is holding John Watson's reins from his neck, and is pulling every swashbuckling claw from his best friend - Sherlock Holmes has no choice but to give in.

Sherlock Holmes once tricked and manipulated his best friend to get what he wanted. But he hasn't lost John Watson. He still has this precious friendship, one of a kind in the world. It's just that he still has other things that he wants but cannot have.

Sherlock is not jealous. His relationship with John is more intimate, more precious, more inseparable than any romantic relationship in the world. Their friendship doesn't have to be sexual to be meaningful.

John doesn't know that his friend has stored all kinds of memories in the constantly checking mind palace, while in the corner of Sherlock’s heart that has been neglected for years, there is a feeling beyond friendship for him. John never knew, and now he has no reason to know. It is Sherlock’s only regret.

The blackmailer was so carried away that he crossed the line.

Never provoke a desperate person.

* * *

He feels the touch of the wind on his face, the smell of grass in the air, the hum of the helicopter engine. Much of John's blond hair has been dyed gray with age. His friend stands erect as a soldier, sad but still looking at him straight in the eyes.

This is so _John Watson_. Sherlock is strangely proud.

He wants his friend to smile again, even though it is really not an appropriate occasion, like when they laughed inappropriately at the crime scene after solving their first case together. 

People often see but do not observe, often hear but do not understand, and often receive information but do not delve into its true meaning.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Sherlock is not a girl’s name. Sherlock is not a woman. John likes women. John is his best friend and nothing will change that. 

“John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and I never have. Since it's unlikely we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now.”

Do you understand? At this point, can you correctly interpret what I have been hiding and paradoxically longing for you to see?

"Sherlock is actually a girl's name."

_I love you._

  
\- Fin -


End file.
